Keith

This post is about my friend Keith who I blame partially for my present predicament.

Keith was an old roommate from before my mission. At the time I was still a biology major, and he was an English major, literature studies emphasis. I know it was Keith that initially sowed the seeds of doubt about biology. He would look at me and say, "You know whats great? One day I'll get paid to sit around and read," and then I would hate him a little bit for that. I was envious.

Years later, I'm a graduating English major and he's a graduating grad student at BYU. We've now had a lot of conversations about literature and English and it just recently struck me how our conversations skirt the purpose of this blog.

I thought some of his recent comments and conclusions were rather poignant:

I think about writing all the time, but never about young adult stuff. I'd want to write literary fiction like Cormac McCarthy (as if that could ever happen, which is exactly why I've never really pursued it). I've tried writing poetry and fiction several times, and I just don't know if it's in me. The scholarly side of literature comes naturally, but the creative side is still unfathomable to me.

If you've thought about it, you should explore it. It seems like there's a ton of female young adult writers, but I think a good male writer could do some great things and probably have more opportunities because of the lack of competition. Tons of the girls doing the creative M.A. at the Y want to write young adult lit. I wonder if it's because it's a way of exploring a career that also lets them express their motherly side (frankly it feels slightly weird to me to try and mix those two. I dated a girl for a bit who was doing that, and she honestly seemed confused as to what she really wanted). Anyway you should think about it.

You know what, Ivor, I think I'm deciding to go for the Ph.D. after all. I know I've been back and forth on this, but as I've been considering doing real work all day long, I've realized that A. there's nothing I'm as good at as literary scholarship and B. there's nothing I crave more. If I were to get a job doing something else, I think I'd always be dying for intellectual stimulation and some form of in artistic expression in my life. Anyway I'm terrified to make that investment, but what do I have to lose at this point? It's not like I have a family right now that I'd be letting down (not to say I couldn't have one by the time I was done, obviously).

Anyway I'm not completely sure, because when I've gone in this direction a few times before (meaning the Ph.D.) I've felt nervous and like I should go another direction. We'll see if that happens again, but I'm feeling the juice right now. Even if I don't make it, I don't think I could fully leave the literary world, and I don't just mean as a reader. I'll still need to attend conferences and publish here and there so I don't feel like I'm wasting my mind and losing opportunities to expand and contribute.

Well sorry to dump all that on you, but you're one of the few that can understand where I'm at, so I blame you for this ramble. Have you decided what you're doing? Are you applying for the Y? I would almost suggest you go straight for the Ph.D. if you really want the career. The Y would be great preparation, but frankly, I don't think you need any more than you already have.

I think he has some really good points. I'm a lot like him in more ways that I think he realises. He really does have a knack for literary criticism and the study of it. He'd do well out there. As for me, I know that I face the same crossroads. It's just kind of funny how many of us are at the same intersection.